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Fitness Flirt, Sexy Trick-Or-Treat, and 'Pretty Normal' Python Needs Home

And be a cereal killer.

It's funny, informative and sometimes downright strange. No matter what, Craigslist can be a great diversion. And Patch has taken it upon itself to scour the listings and find the best of the best from our area, so you don't have to.

Long cool woman in a black dress

Well, a black dress anyway. Were you wearing one, recently, and in Milford? This guy wants to say sorry for staring at you, but you looked so darned great he couldn't help it. That is all.

This python is pretty normal, as far as pythons go

Here at Patch, we admit we're not overly sure what a "normal python" behaves like. We're thinking probably like a snake who would like to slither in freedom through the grass with his friends in native territory. However, plenty of answers seem to be on ballpython.com. In Framingham, someone is looking to "rehome" a "pretty normal ball python" for $20. If that isn't enough, a pastel male, pastel female and spider male are available. 

If you can disassemble them, they are yours

This is actually a good deal for the right person (with kids). In Framingham, a family has no need anymore for two large Creative Playthings swingsets. Both are in "fairly good condition" and 15 years old. It comes with two forts, two slides and two rock climbing walls. Not too shabby. But again, you've got to be the handyman who can take it apart and put it back together again.

A wink and a workout

At a Marlborough gym (we're assuming...unless this person is in your home with you and afraid to speak directly) last week, you—a woman—and he—a man–were near one another on the Stairmasters. He said "good morning" and you seemed "surprised and maybe even pleased." You even said "good morning" back. It doesn't end there. During the same week, you got on a different treadmill in the gym—the one near the door—and you both said "good morning" to one another again! "Have to admit that I've admired your workout ethic. Older than you, and terribly shy, but would like to get to know you better." Shy? Never would have guessed.

As long as you don't smoke, this guy will give you a ride to do your errands ... for $30

A person who "lives near Natick" will give you a ride anywhere you want to go in the area for $15 each way. So assuming you want to return home from the errand, it will cost you $30. The driver has a safe, reliable car, and doesn't smoke. And you can't smoke, either. And he doesn't accept checks or charge cards. While you do your errand, 10 minutes is included in the $15 fee. After that, there's a "wait fee" tacked on. We would not recommend this service if you are browsing for Christmas presents, but rather if you have run out something such as milk, yarn or toilet paper. Then again, there are still taxis in service.

Smile pretty and part-time

A well-established practice in Natick is looking for a part-time orthodondist who is motivated, dedicated and possesses the "right mix of skills." This presumably means someone who has been trained to straighten teeth and has the paperwork to prove it.

We'll let you read this one as is

"I need an experient carpenter who know what he's doing at least 6 years exp .need to know how to frame and how to work w trims . ( we espeak ingles ,portugues and espanish ) thanks ." — Carpenter needed in Marlborough

So what does this job entail?

Someone in Holliston is looking for a person do do some "miscellaneous household jobs on Friday, weekday evenings of the weekend" (so basically every day). These will be mostly in-house tasks, and it "might" vary from week to week. This person is looking for someone to come over a few times a week, a few hours every visit. You must be reliable, consistent and dependable (see thesaurus for relationship between these words) and enjoy housecleaning and being tidy. But this person is not looking for a house cleaner. Make no mistake. This person already has one of those. To apply, click here.

Sexy costume, yes—shenanigans, no

That's the promise in the headline of this Craigslist post, which seeks to secure two sexy costumed dancers to trick or treat at the poster's house on Oct. 30 for 45 minutes to an hour. The idea is that you "show off your sexy costumes" and provide a "nice show, have a drink, chat with me and my buddies and leave with cash. A photo would be good." Again, "no nudity or shenanigans required." If you're lucky, you can party with these guys on Oct. 31, too, they say. 

From breakfast to the stage

A company has two costume character events coming up, and one of them will be at a Westborough business. For $20 an hour, the person who lands the job will get to dress up as a well-known cereal. The catch is you've got to be slim to average body type, fit in a size 6-10 shoe and be between 5'5" to 5'8". It does not specify which cereal you will be portraying, nor does it specify whether you will be put into a bowl with milk.

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