Health & Fitness

For Kids of Divorce, Which Home For The Holidays?

For families split apart by divorce, there may be no more difficult time of the year than the holidays.
It doesn't matter if your family celebrates Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah or the Winter Solstice, the holidays are an emotional time, especially in the first couple of years after a breakup.
I wish I could say there was some easy solution. But the truth is there isn't.
The holidays are rife with complications. Where will the kids spend Christmas Eve and when will they open presents at each parents' home?
What about the making sure the kids see each set of grandparents? And where will the kids eat the traditional holiday meal?
Families tend to have longstanding holiday traditions and oftentimes parents are very reluctant to not have their children participate.
But realistically, there is no way for the kids to be everywhere and fulfill the expectations of everyone. The simple truth is a divorce has taken place. Things aren't the same and you won't be able to have everything you want.
The key to any solution is planning.
If you try to jam too much into the "big day" the kids wont be able to spend quality time with anyone, everyone will be more stressed than they need to be and no one will have any fun.
Better to create a two-year, rotating holiday schedule. You might consider including Thanksgiving, Christmas and even the school vacation week in the mix.
Switch up each year. One year, the kids may have Thanksgiving Dinner with your ex and her family, while eating Christmas dinner with you and yours.
Christmas eve might be spent your ex's place, while school vacation might be with you.
Then switch everything up the next year.
The same type of two year schedule can work with February school vacation week, Easter and the April School vacation week.
Things can get even more complicated if either you or your ex has re-married. But that is best saved for another column.
As for gifts, bite the bullet and communicate with your ex. Find out what she is buying for the kids so you won't double up. But most definitely do not try to "one up" your ex by buying more expensive presents. Frankly, that's dirty pool.
Remember, this is NOT about you and NOT about your ex. This is about your children. You want to make the holidays as enjoyable and stress free as possible.
You won't have things completely the way you want them. That's part of the cost of getting a divorce. Sacrifices must be made.
But this holiday season can also serve as a great chance to teach your children a lesson about Peace on Earth.


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